Ask More Questions
Me trying to take a cute selfie with my hot chocolate ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It’s been a long week at work (and it’s only Tuesday!). I’m tired, it’s cold outside, and there’s nothing I’d like more than to be cozied-up on the couch, drinking hot chocolate, and watching a movie with my husband. But instead, I’m here— huddled up in my bed with a computer and hot chocolate! — because it’s Blogvember, and I said I’d show up everyday, and even though I’m tired, I’m excited for what I have to say.
Several months ago, I found myself responding to an article a Facebook friend posted.
The title of the article itself, was emotionally charged: Beto Says ‘Hell Yes’ We’re going to take America’s guns.
My Facebook friend hyperbolically claimed that every single democratic candidate was in favor of “busting down your door and forcefully removing firearms from your home.”
What Beto actually said was “Hell Yes,” he was in favor of making Americans sell their AR-15s to the government. This is very different from what my friend’s Facebook status was proposing (for the record, this post is not exclusively about gun control. But if you’re curious about my views on gun control, Brene Brown wrote a really great post that nicely articulates where I stand. You can read it here).
I pointed out my friend’s misstep because there’s nothing I hate more than watching people peddle false narratives on social media. My friend responded emotionally about second amendment rights and how this would only be the beginning and we needed to protect ourselves from the big bad government.
This caused my head to spin. How should I respond? The U.S. currently leads the developed world in homicides by firearm so leaving things as is just isn’t going to cut it. Does this guy have any better ideas?
I walked away from my computer for a bit and then it hit me: Ask more questions.
I’d had several online interactions with this person and they always hit me so emotionally. Most of the time I left thinking, “I just don’t understand why he’s thinking this way?” or “I wonder if he’d ever consider this?” or “This is ridiculous” and “There’s got to be some middle ground but he seems so insistent to stay over there, while I seem so insistent to stay over here.”
Ask more questions.
I returned to my computer and asked if he would support a voluntary buy back. I added a few more questions in an effort to understand where he was coming from, and he responded very calmly with a list of reasons why he believed the things he did. It was helpful for me to read (even if I still disagreed with him and thought some of his points were flawed).
Ask more questions.
A few weeks earlier, my sister and brother-in-law were in town for a long weekend. We were sitting around our kitchen table eating fancy grilled cheeses when politics came up. Although Cody and Katie sometimes vote differently than Dan I do, they think similarly — they care about people, they want to be like Jesus, and they want to know more about how their faith can accurately influence their politics while still maintaining a separation of church and state (my sister can correct me if those assumptions are wrong).
As we were talking, I noticed how many questions Cody was asking and how well he was listening. At the end of our conversation Cody said, “I really liked talking about this. I don’t often get to hear opinions like yours so it’s good. I wish more people could talk like this.”
And I agreed.
Ask more questions.
People say you shouldn’t get into political debates online, and I think I disagree. We live in a geographically polarized nation, meaning that most of the people you see face-to-face in your day-to-day think exactly, or very similarly, to you. Sometimes, the internet is the only place you can find an opposing viewpoint.
I’m not saying to engage in every internet debate that comes your way, but if there’s one that interests you, by all means engage! Engage by asking more questions. Engage by being a learner.
Asking more questions allows us to release the need to control a conversation while finding a way to connect with someone.
Asking more questions lowers our internal temperature and causes us to think more clearly. When we ask more questions, we learn right alongside the people we are questioning. We discover the gaps in our own knowledge and may even end up asking ourselves more questions— what do I think about this? Why do I disagree with them? Why am I getting so angry right now? Can I even explain my stance?
Ask more questions.
Jesus himself was the ultimate question asker. When the Pharisees came at him with entrapment questions, he often began his response with a question of his own. When his disciples were still deciphering who he was and trying to figure out what all of his parable meant, he didn’t just start lecturing them. He asked more questions.
I appreciate the way my Bubbly can tries to engage me in conversation
This principle of asking questions applies across so many aspects of life. People do not need you or I to explain more things to them. They need you to ask them questions, and you need people to ask you questions. We learn through conversation. We feel connected through conversation, and conversations only happen when both parties continue asking questions.
So the next time you find yourself in conversation or political debate— whether in person or online— try it! Ask more questions. See what you learn. See how you feel. See what new questions come up for you and how your conversations start to shift.
Ask more questions.
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To help you get started with asking more questions, I’ve created a list of 21 Questions to Ask in Political Conversations. Check it out!