What I Learned This Winter (+ a few other thoughts)
You may have noticed I’ve been a little quiet over the last several weeks. On the one hand, this has been completely unintentional, as the drafts folder in my google drive might give away. The folder is filled with long and rambley, half-finished blog posts about politics and Jesus and turning 33.
On the other hand, it has been wholly intentional, a deliberate rebellion of the soft soul of myself. You know, that quiet place that exists inside all of us, speaking gently, nudging us to slow down when we’re doing too much and cheering us on to keep going when we start caving to fear?
It’s the voice that houses our dreams, and also speaks to our fears. It’s the voice that gives us direction and sometimes says things we’d rather not hear. It’s the voice of the Holy Spirit, of the true self, or the conscience. Whatever you want to call it, it’s the voice that calls for your attention when there’s something you most definitely need to hear.
This voice grew quite loud for me throughout the month of February so I’ve decided to finally listen. I’m going to be taking a break from blogging and social media for at least the months of March and April. But before I go, I thought I’d participate in Emily P. Freeman’s quarterly practice of sharing what I learned this winter because, good golly, there’s been a lot. Which might explain why I need break.
1. I’ll start with an easy one— One-year-old nephews are just the cutest things in the world!
I got to fly down to Tennessee in February for my nephew’s first birthday. It was so fun and so sweet. He’s just the cutest and has the best laugh. And, no matter how much time I spend with kids and babies, it never ceases to amaze me just how smart they are. I loved watching him and taking in all the new things he’s learned since I last saw him in July.
2. Things never go exactly how you want them to, and the best way to handle something unexpected is to be okay with whatever reaction you have.
I turned 33 on New Year’s Day — an age that, for whatever reason, I’d been looking forward to my whole life. Dan and I spent part of the day sitting in a coffee shop writing down our dreams and goals for the year. We were excited! For the first time in our marriage, we both had full-time jobs with good paychecks. Things were lookin’ up! And then….
...he got laid off on January 8th (insert eye roll emoji).
This new development in our lives basically knocked me off my feet for the month of January. I was mad, frustrated, angry at God for teaching me about desire only to take away the path I was carving towards the things I desired. I couldn’t fight my disappointment so instead, I let it consume me. And you know what? For me...at this moment in time...that’s exactly what I needed to do.
This latest transition surfaced some things in me that I need to deal with. But I won’t be able to deal with them if I just brush them to the side in the name of faith, covering my disappointments with those tired Christian platitudes of “God’s got this,” “Don’t worry,” or whatever else people might say to make light of a situation. While those phrases might be true, I think real faith happens when we’re real with God and real with ourselves— trusting that, if he’s going to “get it,” he’ll get it whether or not I believe him when he says it.
3. Good friends will help you get unstuck… and also remind you that things aren’t nearly as bad as you think they are.
This isn’t necessarily a new lesson, but I was reminded of it in a deeper way on Saturday night when I was at dinner with my friend Kiara. We were chatting over gin drinks and small plates at Scofflaw in Logan Square. As I processed through all of the above things, I suddenly realized that things were not nearly as dramatic or as dire as I thought they were. I just needed to say them out loud and have my friend point out a couple of things to me to realize it.
No, my life was not over. No, I was not a failure. No, we were not going to be stuck in a one-bedroom apartment for the rest of our lives. Etc… etc… etc…
Having good friends that you can be completely honest with is good for a number of reasons, and sometimes that reason is to be a sounding board for you to realize just how ridiculous your inner thoughts sound out loud.
4. I learned a lot more about Hispanic history in the United States.
I picked this book up from the library after seeing it on Instagram.
It was a beautifully, humbling book to read. I was reminded, as I often am, that the very European-focused history I learned is a one-sided and often inaccurate version of things. I was reminded of the importance of holding the posture of a listener and learner when it comes to things like race and immigration in the United States. While “listening” to this book, I learned a number of things. For starters — that many Hispanic people living in the U.S. have been here (or at least their ancestors were here) long before Europeans came and settled.
There’s a lot to unpack and a lot to unfold, but when we reach the place where we can hold our own stories alongside the stories of people with different racial and cultural backgrounds, we can reach the heartbreakingly beautiful place of truth. It’s hard work. It’s painful work. We have to be okay with grief, with letting go of our idyllic version of things and realizing that history is indeed a mess. We have to be willing to let go of the idea that white is right — that people act differently and speak differently and have different experiences, but different doesn’t mean wrong, and it most certainly doesn’t mean bad. It just means different.
The more we do this work of unearthing the racial biases that exist in each of us, the more we’ll move forward and the more we’ll be able to celebrate the unique value each culture brings to this bizarre, experiment of a country called America.
5. America is an experiment so rough patches and arguments aren’t just inevitable, they’re necessary.
The combination of seeing Hamilton and taking an online course on the Constitution made me realize what an experiment America really is. It also made me realize that we need to be more open to change and trying new things. America was established because some people decided to try something new. And in order to try that something new, those forefathers had to be brave, talk it out, and compromise quite a bit.
And four hundred (ish) years later, America is still an experiment — likely, a more complicated one. We’re now dealing with the shortcoming of our past (slavery, just to name one) and trying to figure out how a nation made up of so many different people can cohesively work together. It’s messy. And I think we need to be a bit more welcoming of the mess — especially the mess that exists inside our own hearts — if we’re going to figure anything out because denying it only makes things worse.
6. Be gentle with yourself when it comes to matters of racial reconciliation, but don’t neglect the work.
Hang around me long enough and you’ll know that racial reconciliation is something I care deeply about. And when you’re white, racial reconciliation often involves tearing your worldview apart and then trying to rebuild it again. In the midst of that process, it’s okay to take a break. And I don't mean take a break from being civil and loving all people equally and listening. I just mean it’s okay to take a break from reading and learning and intentionally challenging your assumptions, as long as you plan to return to it at some point.
I guess for some context you should know that I follow a lot of social media accounts and listen to a lot of podcasts that talk about race and white privilege and the effects that colonization has had on western Christianity. It’s all so interesting to me and also eye-opening and challenging and growth-producing. But like anything that takes an immense amount of emotional work, sometimes you just need a break.
Racial reconciliation is a marathon, not a sprint. It wasn’t solved when slavery in the U.S. ended, it wasn’t solved with the civil rights movement, and it’s definitely not going to be solved with a border wall. Treat it like the marathon it is. Take in what you can and commit to being a listener and a learner.
7. Schitt’s Creek is the medicine we all need right now.
I know I keep talking about this show, but seriously. Insert any number of things that make you laugh — standup comedy, Modern Family, live improv, Hell’s Kitchen — whatever makes you laugh, take it in, in big gulps right now. Not everything has to be so serious. That’s why comedians exist. The work of a comedian is just as important as the work of any journalist, newscaster, spiritual podcast, or racial reconciliation book.
We need laughter, maybe now more than ever before. So get to it. What makes you laugh? What makes you giggle? What makes you feel light? Turn off the news, turn off the debates, and go watch those things this week.
and something else that often makes me laugh (along with many other Mystery Hour Videos )….
Pssst….before I go, I’ve actually got one more blog post scheduled and an email going out (gotta love technology and pre-scheduling posts). If you want to get the email, just sign up below!